a little catch up

I have been avoiding this blog because there is just too much to say.
I log onto Blogger and open a new post.
Maybe it's all the blank space that feels overwhelming, or maybe it is all of the new experiences that I am having lately.
Whatever it is, I have dozens of stories and ideas swarming around in my head and nothing that I can actually get out in black and white.

So, a little update on my new job. Since this is the main thing in my life right now.

I am LOVING my position at Camelot.
I have finally gone through orientation and understand the history of the company and how the Peoria office came to be. (Maybe it is just me, but I like to understand the place I am working. The history, where the money comes from/goes, the purpose, the mission, the goals. I need to understand the purpose of not only my position, but the organization as a whole.)
I have a new supervisor, and she is awesome! She was a Case Manager who wanted to just work part time to be there more for her kids. It is soo helpful to have a supervisor who not only understands your postion, but understands the postion that your's supports.

I have had the opportunity to sit down and chat with the Peoria director and am so thankful for her support and wanting to better equip me in doing my job.
I have done a few solo visits now, and even had an emergency where we almost had to go to the ER.
I have had my heart broken over and over again, and cried many tears for the precious children I have met.
I have fellen in love with foster care... something I never thought I would say.
I have been cussed out, told to watch my back, had my life threatened, and been called several words I didn't even know existed.
I have also been hugged, told I am loved, and asked to be their mommy.

My job consists of picking up our foster kids, transporting them to meet with their bio parent(s) or siblings, supervising the visit, and then returning them to their foster home. Visits can range anywhere from 1-4 hours, so it is always different and always exciting!

Some of our kids live in Peoria, but the majority seem to live at least 45 minutes away... or more. I love driving and we do get reimbursed for our milage, so I don't mind the trips that are longer. Having more time in the car, the kids are more likely to let their guard down and share what is really going on in their lives. It is on those rides, where they don't feel the pressure or intimidation of looking face-to-face with an adult, that they open up. The stories that I have heard from the little squeaky voices coming from my back seat have opened my eyes to the sin in our world in a way I have never known before.

A 5 year old sitting in a booster seat should never be able to tell you about watching their mom prostitute her body. Or know the exact sentence their father is in prison for. Their minds should be filled with playing games, making friends, having fun and eating candy! Not knowing the going hourly rate.

I find it difficult at times to truly understand that this is their reality. It seems and feels more like a fictional movie or novel. I want to turn the tv off or put the book down.
And I can.
I can go home to my nice, safe house.
I can spend time with my friends who only have my best interest at heart.
I can look forward to spending time with anyone in my family without fear.
I can go to church and know that I am loved and cared for by everyone there.

I don't know what it is to literally live in a horror movie.
But these kids do.
I couldn't come up with the stories that are their lives.
But I can love on them, encourage them, and most importantly- I can pray for them.

I can't share names or specifics on here, but if you will join me in prayer, the Lord knows.

I will try to post more frequently.
And my life hasn't completely been consumed by work, so hopefully I can post some pictures to share with you some of the other things and people that make my life full!!