A New Adventure: Case Aide

How it came about:

July 2nd I started working as a Case Aide for a local foster care agency. Forster care is an area that I have avoided. About a year ago, I was offered a position at another local agency for a Case Aide position, but due to my commitment at the CILAs, I decided to decline.

At least that is what I told myself.

I have always been aware of forst care, and for as long as I can remember, I wanted to be a foster parent someday. As I grew up, several families from my church had foster kids and I would hear the heart breaking stories that belonged to those little lives.

It was one thing to want to get involved "someday", and another when that day actually came. Looking back, I know that God was preparing my heart for this new job. I was exposed to the sin that causes the need for foster care in the past year. I learned what a Case Aide does, I even sat in on a visit with the other agency. I heard stories, ones that made my stomach turn and brought tears to my eyes. Yet a part of me still wasn't ready to dive in and get involved in the lives of those precious children. It just wasn't the right time.

That "taste" did bring within me a curiosity and a growing love and appreciation for the children and staff who are involved in foster care. So when it was time for me to look for a new job, I applied to 1 foster care agency. I did it on a whim while emailing out my resume to about a dozen other places. I will tell you it was somewhat of a relief when they didn't call me back right away. I thought, "I followed the leading I had in my heart and applied, and if this is really where God wants me, He will make it happen."

I got calls from over half of the places I applied, wanting to set up an interview with me, but Camelot was not one of them. I interviewed, and then was called back for a second interview for most of the jobs. I was thankful for the opportunities, yet felt like none of them were "right" for me.

Most of the other jobs were working with individuals who have developmental disabilities, and I thought that maybe my apprehension was that I would be working with people who were not "my residents". I don't know if you have ever experienced this, but when I was in CO, it was hard for me to work with other people who have disabilities because they just weren't "mine". They weren't Miss A, or K, or S. I didn't have the relationships with them that I did with "my residents" and I found that made it hard to connect with them. I did know in my head that the connection and relationship would come with time, but I just didn't like starting over. Especially when I had so many others I knew and loved.

I was about to accept an offer from another organization working with adults who have disabilities, when I received a call from Camelot. I interviewed with Monica (LOVE that lady!), and pending my references, was offered the job that day! She gave me the "official" call the next week.

I knew in my heart that this was where God wanted me.
I knew He would be faithful and provide supportive coworkers.
I knew that this is where my heart would feel the most alive.
I knew I had to take this job.

Yet I was hesitant.

I didn't want my heart to be broken every day.
I didn't want to be exposed to the sin and corruption in our world- in MY community.
I didn't want to open my heart to love those kids and then watch them hurt.
I didn't want to be selfless.

I wanted to go to my job, clock in, clock out and then go home.
I wanted to sleep at night and not wake up wondering if someone was safe.
I wanted to remain ignorant and blind to reality.
I wanted to live my own little life in my happy little world.

Don't you love it when God has something so much bigger in store for you? When you can just feel Him pulling at your heart, beginning to tear away the protective layer you have super glued on there to keep it from the pain of reality?

I don't.
But I do.
I want my heart to become more like Christ's, yet I want to stay living in my safe, secure, oblivious world.
But my desire to grow and be refined is greater than my desire to stay "safe".
So I reached out and grabbed my Father's hand, and allowed Him to lead me on this path.

I have already heard stories and read case files that caused me to weep. Things I could never have imagined have been done to these children. They have experienced more pain and rejection in their little lives than most ever will in their 80 or 90 years.

Yet, as I read their files, filled with police reports and horrific details, I can pray.
And that is what I am so thankful for.
To be able to pray over these little lives.
Most of which I have yet to meet, but I will.
And while I can't take their pain away, I can pray to the One who can.
And I can show them His love.

And for that, I will let my heart be opened raw.
I will allow myself to feel their pain, to enter their reality.
And I will believe that my God who parted the sea and made the lame walk will restore their hearts.
I may never see the fruits of my prayers or of my investment in their lives, but I know God loves them and will be with them.
He is the Healer, not only for their bodies, but their hearts and minds as well.