Today I turned 28.
While I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook, today it was making me feel the love!
Birthday wishes from friends and family.
While I know that most people only knew it was my birthday because FB told them so, it still feels good to have people take a moment out of their day and wish you a happy birthday.
Other than my phone dinging all day with texts and FB updates, my day was just like any other.
This afternoon I did a parent/sibling visit for a little guy.
Well, he's not so little, but in so many ways he seems so young.
Too young for the stuff that is going on in his life.
As we ended the visit (early, due to mom's negative comments about her sons and her situation), the little guy gave his mom a hug and told her that he loved her.
He stood there, waiting to hear those 3 little words that every child needs to hear from their mom.
Nothing.
She barely hugged him back.
I wanted to cry.
The day that I am reminded over and over how blessed and loved I am, a little heart broke.
All he wanted was to know is that he is loved, and all he got a rejection.
This typically active, energetic, happy, not a care in the world boy was crushed.
He walked to my car with shoulders slumped and didn't talk to me until we pulled into his foster parent's drive.
Thankfully, I had some fruit snacks in my car, and gave him a pack.
Something, anything, to try to make his day a little better.
I know that fruit snacks can not, in any way, make up for his heartache. But I wanted him to at least end his time with me knowing that someone cares about him.
We fist pumped and he walked inside.
Please pray for this little guy. And his 2 brothers that are currently living with mom. There is a court appointment coming up and most likely the 2 bothers will be removed from mom's home as well. This will be for the best, but it also has caused mom to give up. She knows that she has made so many mistakes that at this point, she has no hope of keeping her boys at home, or having my little guy return home.
But she doesn't really seem to care. And she has told the boys that too.
She knows her life will be easier without them in it (at least on a daily basis) so she isn't trying.
Pray that God's love can be shown to these 3 boys.
That healing can begin in their lives and that they can know that no matter what happens with their mom, they have a Father in heaven who loves them and desires a relationship with them.
8.29.2012
8.24.2012
Disney's lies- It's never just a movie...er musical
So much I could say after watching The Lion King musical.
I found this article on Focus on the Family's website describing what a worldview is and it just so happens to use The Lion King as an example.
I couldn't have said it better myself.
A movie is never just a movie.
_________________________________________________________
8.23.2012
a little catch up
I have been avoiding this blog because there is just too much to say.
I log onto Blogger and open a new post.
Maybe it's all the blank space that feels overwhelming, or maybe it is all of the new experiences that I am having lately.
Whatever it is, I have dozens of stories and ideas swarming around in my head and nothing that I can actually get out in black and white.
So, a little update on my new job. Since this is the main thing in my life right now.
I am LOVING my position at Camelot.
I have finally gone through orientation and understand the history of the company and how the Peoria office came to be. (Maybe it is just me, but I like to understand the place I am working. The history, where the money comes from/goes, the purpose, the mission, the goals. I need to understand the purpose of not only my position, but the organization as a whole.)
I have a new supervisor, and she is awesome! She was a Case Manager who wanted to just work part time to be there more for her kids. It is soo helpful to have a supervisor who not only understands your postion, but understands the postion that your's supports.
I have had the opportunity to sit down and chat with the Peoria director and am so thankful for her support and wanting to better equip me in doing my job.
I have done a few solo visits now, and even had an emergency where we almost had to go to the ER.
I have had my heart broken over and over again, and cried many tears for the precious children I have met.
I have fellen in love with foster care... something I never thought I would say.
I have been cussed out, told to watch my back, had my life threatened, and been called several words I didn't even know existed.
I have also been hugged, told I am loved, and asked to be their mommy.
My job consists of picking up our foster kids, transporting them to meet with their bio parent(s) or siblings, supervising the visit, and then returning them to their foster home. Visits can range anywhere from 1-4 hours, so it is always different and always exciting!
Some of our kids live in Peoria, but the majority seem to live at least 45 minutes away... or more. I love driving and we do get reimbursed for our milage, so I don't mind the trips that are longer. Having more time in the car, the kids are more likely to let their guard down and share what is really going on in their lives. It is on those rides, where they don't feel the pressure or intimidation of looking face-to-face with an adult, that they open up. The stories that I have heard from the little squeaky voices coming from my back seat have opened my eyes to the sin in our world in a way I have never known before.
A 5 year old sitting in a booster seat should never be able to tell you about watching their mom prostitute her body. Or know the exact sentence their father is in prison for. Their minds should be filled with playing games, making friends, having fun and eating candy! Not knowing the going hourly rate.
I find it difficult at times to truly understand that this is their reality. It seems and feels more like a fictional movie or novel. I want to turn the tv off or put the book down.
And I can.
I can go home to my nice, safe house.
I can spend time with my friends who only have my best interest at heart.
I can look forward to spending time with anyone in my family without fear.
I can go to church and know that I am loved and cared for by everyone there.
I don't know what it is to literally live in a horror movie.
But these kids do.
I couldn't come up with the stories that are their lives.
But I can love on them, encourage them, and most importantly- I can pray for them.
I can't share names or specifics on here, but if you will join me in prayer, the Lord knows.
I will try to post more frequently.
And my life hasn't completely been consumed by work, so hopefully I can post some pictures to share with you some of the other things and people that make my life full!!
I log onto Blogger and open a new post.
Maybe it's all the blank space that feels overwhelming, or maybe it is all of the new experiences that I am having lately.
Whatever it is, I have dozens of stories and ideas swarming around in my head and nothing that I can actually get out in black and white.
So, a little update on my new job. Since this is the main thing in my life right now.
I am LOVING my position at Camelot.
I have finally gone through orientation and understand the history of the company and how the Peoria office came to be. (Maybe it is just me, but I like to understand the place I am working. The history, where the money comes from/goes, the purpose, the mission, the goals. I need to understand the purpose of not only my position, but the organization as a whole.)
I have a new supervisor, and she is awesome! She was a Case Manager who wanted to just work part time to be there more for her kids. It is soo helpful to have a supervisor who not only understands your postion, but understands the postion that your's supports.
I have had the opportunity to sit down and chat with the Peoria director and am so thankful for her support and wanting to better equip me in doing my job.
I have done a few solo visits now, and even had an emergency where we almost had to go to the ER.
I have had my heart broken over and over again, and cried many tears for the precious children I have met.
I have fellen in love with foster care... something I never thought I would say.
I have been cussed out, told to watch my back, had my life threatened, and been called several words I didn't even know existed.
I have also been hugged, told I am loved, and asked to be their mommy.
My job consists of picking up our foster kids, transporting them to meet with their bio parent(s) or siblings, supervising the visit, and then returning them to their foster home. Visits can range anywhere from 1-4 hours, so it is always different and always exciting!
Some of our kids live in Peoria, but the majority seem to live at least 45 minutes away... or more. I love driving and we do get reimbursed for our milage, so I don't mind the trips that are longer. Having more time in the car, the kids are more likely to let their guard down and share what is really going on in their lives. It is on those rides, where they don't feel the pressure or intimidation of looking face-to-face with an adult, that they open up. The stories that I have heard from the little squeaky voices coming from my back seat have opened my eyes to the sin in our world in a way I have never known before.
A 5 year old sitting in a booster seat should never be able to tell you about watching their mom prostitute her body. Or know the exact sentence their father is in prison for. Their minds should be filled with playing games, making friends, having fun and eating candy! Not knowing the going hourly rate.
I find it difficult at times to truly understand that this is their reality. It seems and feels more like a fictional movie or novel. I want to turn the tv off or put the book down.
And I can.
I can go home to my nice, safe house.
I can spend time with my friends who only have my best interest at heart.
I can look forward to spending time with anyone in my family without fear.
I can go to church and know that I am loved and cared for by everyone there.
I don't know what it is to literally live in a horror movie.
But these kids do.
I couldn't come up with the stories that are their lives.
But I can love on them, encourage them, and most importantly- I can pray for them.
I can't share names or specifics on here, but if you will join me in prayer, the Lord knows.
I will try to post more frequently.
And my life hasn't completely been consumed by work, so hopefully I can post some pictures to share with you some of the other things and people that make my life full!!
7.11.2012
A New Adventure: Case Aide
How it came about:
July 2nd I started working as a Case Aide for a local foster care agency. Forster care is an area that I have avoided. About a year ago, I was offered a position at another local agency for a Case Aide position, but due to my commitment at the CILAs, I decided to decline.
At least that is what I told myself.
I have always been aware of forst care, and for as long as I can remember, I wanted to be a foster parent someday. As I grew up, several families from my church had foster kids and I would hear the heart breaking stories that belonged to those little lives.
It was one thing to want to get involved "someday", and another when that day actually came. Looking back, I know that God was preparing my heart for this new job. I was exposed to the sin that causes the need for foster care in the past year. I learned what a Case Aide does, I even sat in on a visit with the other agency. I heard stories, ones that made my stomach turn and brought tears to my eyes. Yet a part of me still wasn't ready to dive in and get involved in the lives of those precious children. It just wasn't the right time.
That "taste" did bring within me a curiosity and a growing love and appreciation for the children and staff who are involved in foster care. So when it was time for me to look for a new job, I applied to 1 foster care agency. I did it on a whim while emailing out my resume to about a dozen other places. I will tell you it was somewhat of a relief when they didn't call me back right away. I thought, "I followed the leading I had in my heart and applied, and if this is really where God wants me, He will make it happen."
I got calls from over half of the places I applied, wanting to set up an interview with me, but Camelot was not one of them. I interviewed, and then was called back for a second interview for most of the jobs. I was thankful for the opportunities, yet felt like none of them were "right" for me.
Most of the other jobs were working with individuals who have developmental disabilities, and I thought that maybe my apprehension was that I would be working with people who were not "my residents". I don't know if you have ever experienced this, but when I was in CO, it was hard for me to work with other people who have disabilities because they just weren't "mine". They weren't Miss A, or K, or S. I didn't have the relationships with them that I did with "my residents" and I found that made it hard to connect with them. I did know in my head that the connection and relationship would come with time, but I just didn't like starting over. Especially when I had so many others I knew and loved.
I was about to accept an offer from another organization working with adults who have disabilities, when I received a call from Camelot. I interviewed with Monica (LOVE that lady!), and pending my references, was offered the job that day! She gave me the "official" call the next week.
I knew in my heart that this was where God wanted me.
I knew He would be faithful and provide supportive coworkers.
I knew that this is where my heart would feel the most alive.
I knew I had to take this job.
Yet I was hesitant.
I didn't want my heart to be broken every day.
I didn't want to be exposed to the sin and corruption in our world- in MY community.
I didn't want to open my heart to love those kids and then watch them hurt.
I didn't want to be selfless.
I wanted to go to my job, clock in, clock out and then go home.
I wanted to sleep at night and not wake up wondering if someone was safe.
I wanted to remain ignorant and blind to reality.
I wanted to live my own little life in my happy little world.
Don't you love it when God has something so much bigger in store for you? When you can just feel Him pulling at your heart, beginning to tear away the protective layer you have super glued on there to keep it from the pain of reality?
I don't.
But I do.
I want my heart to become more like Christ's, yet I want to stay living in my safe, secure, oblivious world.
But my desire to grow and be refined is greater than my desire to stay "safe".
So I reached out and grabbed my Father's hand, and allowed Him to lead me on this path.
I have already heard stories and read case files that caused me to weep. Things I could never have imagined have been done to these children. They have experienced more pain and rejection in their little lives than most ever will in their 80 or 90 years.
Yet, as I read their files, filled with police reports and horrific details, I can pray.
And that is what I am so thankful for.
To be able to pray over these little lives.
Most of which I have yet to meet, but I will.
And while I can't take their pain away, I can pray to the One who can.
And I can show them His love.
And for that, I will let my heart be opened raw.
I will allow myself to feel their pain, to enter their reality.
And I will believe that my God who parted the sea and made the lame walk will restore their hearts.
I may never see the fruits of my prayers or of my investment in their lives, but I know God loves them and will be with them.
He is the Healer, not only for their bodies, but their hearts and minds as well.
July 2nd I started working as a Case Aide for a local foster care agency. Forster care is an area that I have avoided. About a year ago, I was offered a position at another local agency for a Case Aide position, but due to my commitment at the CILAs, I decided to decline.
At least that is what I told myself.
I have always been aware of forst care, and for as long as I can remember, I wanted to be a foster parent someday. As I grew up, several families from my church had foster kids and I would hear the heart breaking stories that belonged to those little lives.
It was one thing to want to get involved "someday", and another when that day actually came. Looking back, I know that God was preparing my heart for this new job. I was exposed to the sin that causes the need for foster care in the past year. I learned what a Case Aide does, I even sat in on a visit with the other agency. I heard stories, ones that made my stomach turn and brought tears to my eyes. Yet a part of me still wasn't ready to dive in and get involved in the lives of those precious children. It just wasn't the right time.
That "taste" did bring within me a curiosity and a growing love and appreciation for the children and staff who are involved in foster care. So when it was time for me to look for a new job, I applied to 1 foster care agency. I did it on a whim while emailing out my resume to about a dozen other places. I will tell you it was somewhat of a relief when they didn't call me back right away. I thought, "I followed the leading I had in my heart and applied, and if this is really where God wants me, He will make it happen."
I got calls from over half of the places I applied, wanting to set up an interview with me, but Camelot was not one of them. I interviewed, and then was called back for a second interview for most of the jobs. I was thankful for the opportunities, yet felt like none of them were "right" for me.
Most of the other jobs were working with individuals who have developmental disabilities, and I thought that maybe my apprehension was that I would be working with people who were not "my residents". I don't know if you have ever experienced this, but when I was in CO, it was hard for me to work with other people who have disabilities because they just weren't "mine". They weren't Miss A, or K, or S. I didn't have the relationships with them that I did with "my residents" and I found that made it hard to connect with them. I did know in my head that the connection and relationship would come with time, but I just didn't like starting over. Especially when I had so many others I knew and loved.
I was about to accept an offer from another organization working with adults who have disabilities, when I received a call from Camelot. I interviewed with Monica (LOVE that lady!), and pending my references, was offered the job that day! She gave me the "official" call the next week.
I knew in my heart that this was where God wanted me.
I knew He would be faithful and provide supportive coworkers.
I knew that this is where my heart would feel the most alive.
I knew I had to take this job.
Yet I was hesitant.
I didn't want my heart to be broken every day.
I didn't want to be exposed to the sin and corruption in our world- in MY community.
I didn't want to open my heart to love those kids and then watch them hurt.
I didn't want to be selfless.
I wanted to go to my job, clock in, clock out and then go home.
I wanted to sleep at night and not wake up wondering if someone was safe.
I wanted to remain ignorant and blind to reality.
I wanted to live my own little life in my happy little world.
Don't you love it when God has something so much bigger in store for you? When you can just feel Him pulling at your heart, beginning to tear away the protective layer you have super glued on there to keep it from the pain of reality?
I don't.
But I do.
I want my heart to become more like Christ's, yet I want to stay living in my safe, secure, oblivious world.
But my desire to grow and be refined is greater than my desire to stay "safe".
So I reached out and grabbed my Father's hand, and allowed Him to lead me on this path.
I have already heard stories and read case files that caused me to weep. Things I could never have imagined have been done to these children. They have experienced more pain and rejection in their little lives than most ever will in their 80 or 90 years.
Yet, as I read their files, filled with police reports and horrific details, I can pray.
And that is what I am so thankful for.
To be able to pray over these little lives.
Most of which I have yet to meet, but I will.
And while I can't take their pain away, I can pray to the One who can.
And I can show them His love.
And for that, I will let my heart be opened raw.
I will allow myself to feel their pain, to enter their reality.
And I will believe that my God who parted the sea and made the lame walk will restore their hearts.
I may never see the fruits of my prayers or of my investment in their lives, but I know God loves them and will be with them.
He is the Healer, not only for their bodies, but their hearts and minds as well.
4.01.2012
Impact Able - Lifesong Zambia
Meet Able.
Handsome, right?And he is a bit of a charmer. But with that smile, can you blame him?
This is what Able had to say about himself:
Handsome, right?And he is a bit of a charmer. But with that smile, can you blame him?This is what Able had to say about himself:
Hi. I'm Able. I am 14 years old. I live with my mother's sister. I have lived with her for 2 years. My mother died when I was 5 years old. Also, my little cousins, Marleen and Bethshaba, attend Lifesong school in Baby Class. I am in grade 7. My aunt sells vegtables outside our home to help earn an income. Thank you for helping Lifesong.
Along with Able, there are 20 other students who will be entering 8th grade. Just one more year before they beat the odds and become part of the 5% that attend High School.
Think about that for a minute. 95% of Zambian children will not attend High School.Which means, 95% of Zambian's will never go to college.
And this is why the cycle of poverty continues:
YOU have the opportunity to make sure that Able and his 20 other classmates be a part of the 5%.And ALL of the students who will come after Able.
As of now, there are no classrooms available for him and the other grade 7 students. Will you help build a new classroom for Able so that he can continue school this fall and be part of the 5%?
Join Impact Zambia 100
**100 people to give $20/month for 1 year! **And, thanks to a generous donor your gift will be MATCHED dollar-for-dollar!
What an exciting time to give!
Contact info@lifesongfororphans.org to be apart of the IMPACT!
Think about that for a minute. 95% of Zambian children will not attend High School.Which means, 95% of Zambian's will never go to college.
And this is why the cycle of poverty continues:
- no education = no opportunities
- education = opportunities for change
YOU have the opportunity to make sure that Able and his 20 other classmates be a part of the 5%.And ALL of the students who will come after Able.
As of now, there are no classrooms available for him and the other grade 7 students. Will you help build a new classroom for Able so that he can continue school this fall and be part of the 5%?
Join Impact Zambia 100**100 people to give $20/month for 1 year! **And, thanks to a generous donor your gift will be MATCHED dollar-for-dollar!
What an exciting time to give!
Contact info@lifesongfororphans.org to be apart of the IMPACT!
live like that
Sometimes I think
What will people say of me
When I'm only just a memory
When I'm home where my soul belongs
Was I love
When no one else would show up
Was I Jesus to the least of those
Was my worship more than just a song
I want to live like that
And give it all I have
So that everything I say and do
Points to You
If love is who I am
Then this is where I'll stand
Recklessly abandoned
Never holding back
What will people say of me
When I'm only just a memory
When I'm home where my soul belongs
Was I love
When no one else would show up
Was I Jesus to the least of those
Was my worship more than just a song
I want to live like that
And give it all I have
So that everything I say and do
Points to You
If love is who I am
Then this is where I'll stand
Recklessly abandoned
Never holding back
I want to live like that
I want to live like that
Am I proof
That You are who you say You are
That grace can really change a heart
Do I live like Your love is true
People pass
And even if they don't know my name
Is there evidence that I've been changed
When they see me, do they see You
I want to show the world the love You gave for me
I'm longing for the world to know the glory of the King
I want to live like that
Am I proof
That You are who you say You are
That grace can really change a heart
Do I live like Your love is true
People pass
And even if they don't know my name
Is there evidence that I've been changed
When they see me, do they see You
I want to show the world the love You gave for me
I'm longing for the world to know the glory of the King
---------------------------------------------------------
I WANT TO LIVE LIKE THAT!
I want
...to be love when no one else shows up
...to be Jesus to the least of those
...to have my worship be more than just a song
...to show Your love to the world
How about you?
How do you want to live?
3.31.2012
Impact Kaninga -- Lifesong Zambia
***Impact Zambia 100 update: 23 team members! 7 days to go!
Lifesong Zambia is not only touching the lives of children IN school, but also young adults that work FOR the school! Listen in to Kaninga's story...
We are seeking to expand our school that is currently at MAX capacity to continuing touching the lives of Zambia students and staff like Kaninga!
OUR GOAL for the next 7 days:
To join Impact Zambia 100 and have your dollars MATCHED email info@lifesongfororphans.org!
Post copied and pasted from http://lifesong.squarespace.com/
blank slate
How does one start over?
A blank slate.
A fresh start.
Bare and empty, white space waiting to be filled with thoughts, ideas, memories, dreams, hopes and prayers.
While the new is filled with the promise and excitement of the unknown, the old is longed for.
There is something comforting and welcoming in the familiar.
Such a familiar battle we enter each day.
With eternity in our hearts, we fight against the longing for the everlasting unknown, and the desire to live in and cling to the temporal, ordinary comforts of this earth.
My heart knows this conflict all too well.
Daily, I struggle to balance life here on this earth with life in eternity.
So many things take me prisoner and hold me captive to this dust and dirt beneath my feet.
Things, people, desires, dreams.
And not all these things are bad. Some are great- amazing, actually!
Yet, it doesn't feel right.
I feel unsettled.
"This world is not my home" is about the only way I can describe it.
Yet, here I am.
On this dust and dirt.
Trying to make sense of longing for eternity while I hold so tightly to every earthly comfort I can grasp.
So here I go.
This is my journey.
To starting fresh.
Sometimes not by our own choice.
With the past taken from us to remind us that we do need to let go, not hold so tightly to what has been, but to reach with open palms out for what is to come.
*In case any of you are wondering, I accidentally deleted my previous blog. I shed some tears over my memories lost and am now moving on.
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